Lawyers and Alligators
        Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says, "I don't understand how you can be so much bigger than I am. We're the same age, we were the same size as kids... I just don't get it."
        "Well," says the big alligator, "what have you been eating?"
        "Lawyers, same as you," replies the small alligator.
        "Hmm. Well, where do you catch 'em?"
        "Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp."
        "Same here. Hmm. How do you catch 'em?"
        "Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite 'em, shake the crap out of 'em, and eat 'em!"
        "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a lawyer, there's nothing left but lips and a briefcase...

Minister and Lawyer in Heaven
        A minister and a lawyer arrived at the pearly gates, Saint Peter greeted both of them and gave them their room assignments. "Pastor, here are the keys to one of our nicest efficiency units. And for you, sir, the keys to our finest penthouse suite." "This is unfair!" cried the minister. "Listen," Saint Peter said, "ministers are a dime a dozen up here, but this is the first lawyer we've ever seen."